Mean Mommy Syndrome

After putting my son in time out because he was jumping on the chair for the second time, about to hurt himself, I heard him mutter under his breath, “Mommy’s Mean! She never lets me do anything.” With that gruff, he turned his little lips up, scowled to himself, and pouted for a minute before I turned in his direction.

“Son, do you not have a happy heart right now?” I know it seems like an out of the blue crazy question, but in my usual fashion, I asked anyway.

A brief moment passed before he answered, but he finally grumbled, “Yes, I have a happy heart.” It took another 30 seconds or so, but after that affirmation, he stopped grimacing, stopped whining, and sat up straight. He finished his time out, we had a brief talk about actions, consequences, rewards, and his heart.

The quick history behind my question is that we are teaching our children that their actions carry consequences or rewards. I don’t choose their consequences or rewards, they do!

A happy heart is about learning to understand and deal with controlling one’s self even in the most negative of situations. When we learn how to control our emotions, mind, and physical bodies, we will ultimately learn that our choices have placed us in many of the situations we find ourselves (both positive and negative). By developing a happy heart, we will find that our outlook leans more towards the positive, than towards the negative. We begin to seek solutions as opposed to focusing on the problem or what we cannot do.

On the other hand, I almost enjoy being labeled a “mean mommy.”
1. It is the mean mommies of the world that set a standard and don’t back down from that standard.
2. It is the mean mommies of the world that expect and push children to achieve greatness and reach their full potential.
3. It is the mean mommies of the world that love unconditionally and command respect.
4. It is the mean mommies of the world that get looked back on with reverence when the child matures and life’s lessons are absorbed. The child sees the points behind all the lectures, the rules, and the motives.
5. It is the mean mommies of the world that are actually not mean at all, but love their children to a fault and want nothing but the best for them. Out of this love, what is initially perceived as “mean” is really imagination, hope, vision, and desire.

So, I salute all the “mean mommies” of the world and say, keep doing what you’re doing. It pays off, and in the end, our children will look back on us and their undying love will spill out as they realize we weren’t mean at all, but simply being a Great Mom! So, laugh out loud, and enjoy your children today!

College Hoorah

Today I received the most exciting call regarding acceptance into college. It was from a friend who was a single mother for nearly 14 years before meeting and marrying her second husband.
She has worked hard and long. She has fought the statistics and is on the other end excited, standing tall and proud. After working, saving, and investing for the past 14 years for her son’s college education, her family just received a preliminary letter of acceptance into college, ALL EXPENSES PAID! Her son needs only continue getting good grades, finish his sports seasons, and confirm with the university his arrival date. That’s it!
After speaking with her, she expressed her excitement as well as her continual work over the years. She has had to make sure to follow up with him on his homework daily. “Son, do you have any homework? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? Can I see your folder?” Not that this was disbelief, but she wanted to make sure that neither he nor she was missing something that would hinder his continual success.
She further acknowledged that her work is not done and she knows it! Contrary to popular belief and even practice, she knows that even though he has received this preliminary letter, both he and even she still has to finish strong. Now is not the time to relax and let go, even though it would make sense and even feel overwhelmingly great. Now is the time to dot every “i” and cross every “t.” Now is the time to complete all paperwork, reaffirm the vision and goals, and find comfort in the wonderful relationship they have built over the years.
I am so inspired and can relate to her enthusiasm, relief, and pride. Were it not for a scholarship to attend college, I would not have been able to go. My mother was a single mother working hard to put food on the table and clothes on her 5 children’s backs. She didn’t have any “extra” savings or income with which to put me through college. I worked hard, got scholarships, grants, loans, and worked while attending college in order to pay for it. I consider myself fortunate and know the relief that comes from a child attending a college, and it not being a financial strain or even a burden on the family.
I not only rejoice with her today, but with every woman who stands strong, powerful, and persistent. So today, I stand in agreement, and salute all those who can laugh out loud and enjoy their families today!

Healthcare Stance Pt. 2

I just had two weeks of finger pricks, blood draws, and completely normal results! I called the attending nurse after faxing her my weekly results. I informed her that I would no longer continue the process as I committed to only two weeks and no more. She was somewhat surprised at my announcement, but reluctantly accepted this. She told me she would call me next week to make sure that I didn't change my mind. I reassured her that I wouldn't.

To this her reply was, "well, you will have to speak with your physician and get his approval before stopping the monitoring."

I wondered what in the world was going through this nurse's mind the entire conversation and doubted whether or not she remembers our initial discussion or even paid attention to this current dialogue. Again, I restated, "I explained to both you and to my OB that I was not diabetic. Your tests confirmed this result. I entertained these last two weeks to not only ensure I was well within the normal guidelines, but also to ease all of our concerns. Having done that, I feel confident that it is my privilege and right to refuse further treatments."

She put up a weak fight again and asked, "when is your next OB appointment?"

"It is tomorrow," I politely, yet adamantly responded.

"Well, your OB still has to call me, but in case he doesn't I need to hear back from you too."

"Not a problem, I'll call you as soon as I leave the appointment." With that, I got off the phone and eagerly anticipated the showdown with my OB. Showdown because I was enrolled in a course of treatment I was not originally a part of. I felt hoodwinked and bamboozled. However, that wouldn't happen again.

At the appointment, I informed my OB that I wouldn't participate in any more of the finger pricks. I was done. I was well aware of my body, eating habits, physical exercise, amount of water I drank, and even monitored the amount of sweets I consumed. I was choosing to not accept this treatment any longer.

"Well, Mrs. Cadet, it is a service we offer. You seem like a very intelligent patient and your decision is fine. We mainly suggest this to our patients because many of them need monitoring and help to control all of the factors that you just listed. Obviously you don't so I see no further issue."

"Well, Doctor, glad you agree with me. Can you please call the nurse so that she is aware of this conversation and understands that this is not only authorized, but in MY best judgment?"

"Sure, I'll have my nurse call her today. Thanks and have a great day."

With that, the OB left the room, I got dressed and life went back to normal.

Moral of the story is that when you are informed of not only the purpose of treatments, your physical health, and even what your rights are as a patient, you are in the drivers seat and can have an intelligent discussion with your physician.

The talks we have heard about with all the different discussions on health care, mammograms and the the such will do you no good if you are ill informed and go only with the flow. You have to stand up for your rights and research your options. Only then will you be able to make decisions that positively impact your and your family's lives.

So, as I did, I invite you to Laugh out Loud and Enjoy your family today.

Thanksgiving Blessings & Tricks

Today, I walked through the grocery store doing my last minute shopping. The store was filled with associates eagerly stocking shelves, frantic customers looking for Thanksgiving goodies, and tons of disgruntled customers grumbling about long lines, lack of their desired staple, and other choice words.
I bobbed and weaved through the maze of people and running children as I scratched off each item on my list. I was ready to grumble until I remembered why I was there and realized that this day was one of blessings, and thanks. I smiled, said a pleasant “excuse me sir or ma’am.” I exchanged polite conversation and pleasantries with the cashier and off I went.
After all, Thanksgiving is about sharing love, being kind to your fellow man, and expressing gratitude to one and all. Sometimes, I have to force myself to be thankful and overlook the small subtleties that want to derail me from what this holiday, and everyday should be about. I force myself to express sympathy when the kids are running up and down the hall and one of them gets hurt. That is, despite being told at least a dozen times not to run in the house.
I force a smile when my hubby says, “Hey honey, tomorrow, I’m going out for a few hours.” That is despite knowing I still need to get to the store, make lunch and dinner for this day, and prepare for tomorrow’s dinner. I have to smile lovingly and realize he needs to recharge as much as I do.
I stop and remember that I love my family and they love me too. Even though the day is hectic and stress level can be high, we take one day out of the whole year to express our sincere gratitude and affection for one another.
I really appreciate it when I learn that there are simple tips and tricks that I can employ that help me focus on the family and not solely on the day of cooking or other thing that wants to distract me.

1. Plan ahead and establish a menu.

2. Decide ahead of time who will make what.

3. Give everyone a job so that everyone feels like they are helping the family.

4. Find shortcuts that help in food preparation: pre-sliced or diced items (i.e. cheese, collard greens, carrots, lettuce, etc.).

5. Prepare as much as possible the day before so you only have minor things to do on the actual Thanksgiving Day (i.e. - boil the macaroni, make the pies, make the potato salad, etc.).

Don’t forget to enjoy the day and share special memories with your family. Laugh out loud and enjoy your family this holiday season.

How Far Will You Go?

As any pregnant woman, mom, or spouse knows, somewhere in the 25th or 26th week of pregnancy, women have to take a glucose tolerance test. Basically, the test is administered to ensure that a woman is not on the verge of developing gestational diabetes causing both the baby and mother to have health complications.

Anyway, as is my normal routine with the past 3 children, I take the one hour and I have yet to fall within the "normal range." Because my body was not able to fully break down the glucose juice, I had to follow-up with the 3 hour long glucose test. Each time I take the 3 hour test, it comes back well within the normal range. This is normally a good indication that all is fine with both me and the baby.

Since moving to New Orleans and having a different Obstetrician, I have found that some physicians are more than just cautious. They are overly cautious. Despite my previous medical history, my knowledge of my own body, and diet, my current OB decided that he would lump me with his group of "diabetic" patients. Oh, I guess I should state again...I am NOT Diabetic. I merely was 7 points higher than the allowable "normal" range for my one hour test. This could have been caused by my eating too much candy from Holloween, or my late night snack every night before going to bed, or even not drinking enough water the previous few days.

Therefore, my OB prescribed me to perform four skin pricks per day, draw blood, and then record the results in a journal. He wants me to do this for the next two to three months. His logic and rationale is that by monitoring my blood level daily, he can ensure that I don't fall in the gestational diabetic realm (because I scored 7 pounds outside of the normal range on my 1 hour test and the 3 hour was normal).

How far should I go to stand up for my beliefs and wishes? I know that I am not nor have I ever been diabetic. I will not idly stand by and be a pin cushion, nor will I allow my doctor to solely determine what he feels is best for me. I appreciate his experience and wisdom, yet I reserve the right to respectively disagree and decline. A part of health care is open discourse and discussion with my health care provider. I could choose a different provider, but what if I go from bad to worse? What if I choose a different provider and have no connection with that physician? What if that physician is worse than this one? What if I stay where I am and do nothing?

Open discussion is the course of action that I am going to choose. However, I will stand my ground and express myself. I will not continue to do the skin pricks nor will I subject myself to mindless testing all for the sake of "caution." It is time that patients stand up for their right to have a say so in their healthcare. It is time that we take an active interest in our health and the course of treatment that effect us and our families. Whether you are a pregnant woman, mother of children, grandmother or father, or anyone needing healthcare, this message is for you. it is time we stand up and become informed on our health, our options, and our insurance.

It seems that in this time of healthcare debates and reform, open discussion is needed now more than ever. We have to want to be informed, get involved, and take an active interest in our lives. In order to laugh out loud, and enjoy our families today, everyday, and in the future, we have to step out of our normal routine and do all we have to do to ensure our health, safety, and care.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season!

Inspect What You Expect

I remember being a mid-twenty something sitting in a relatively warm church hearing the words, "inspect what you expect." At first, it seemed to only have relevance for that particular message. It was not until later that my husband kept repeating the same words to me when I got disappointed by someone who I had asked to do something and they had either not completed the task, or it was not up to the standard I expected or knew they were capable. He just uttered "inspect what you expect." In my brain, if I show you how to do a thing, then watch you do it once or twice, and you say, you understand, I believe we're good and I don't have to micromanage the task or the person.

Just this past week, I had to "inspect what I expected." However, this time, it was from the smallest members of our household. They had been given a task to perform and little did I know, they did their rendition of the task, but it was way below the standard that was set. I am still learning that I have to "inspect what I expect" and not feel like it is micromanaging or showing a lack of confidence. I guess, it's something that I just have to deal with and get over.

In reality, we all give our children tasks that we know they are capable of achieving with proficiency. What is our reaction when they fail to perform to the level of our expectations? Do we yell, shake our heads in disbelief, or take the time to show them how to properly do it? Do we check on our children with regularity to ensure that they have an understanding of what is being asked? Have we taught our children to ask for help when they need it? Have we taught that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of a truly intelligent person who wants to get better and show a mastery of what they have been given? Have we linked our expectations with a character trait that is quantifiable and has the ability to produce amazing adults?

Is this all to deep? I hope not, because if I am confronted with this little piece of normalcy, I am sure other parents are as well. Hopefully, we all respond that we are thinking of the future and not just the present. We are teaching our children how to be self-sufficient and to value certain traits such as dedication, honoring standards set and exceeding them, and learning to ask for help to do their best. At the end of the day, we have to "inspect what we expect" until it is shown and proven with consistency that the person has a mastery of the task being performed.

After exhaling, reaffirming my intentions, and demonstrating what was expected, I laughed out loud, and enjoyed yet another life lesson with my children! I invite you to do the same.

Yellow Blurry Lines

It's been way to long since I last wrote, but alas, I finally remembered to be inspired to take some time away from life's little nuances.

As I drove home from picking up the kids today, I noticed that traffic was unusually slow in one area. Assuming it was because of the four foot wide dimple holes or the six inch high raised and cracked streets, I didn't think too much about it. However, when I finally got to the main area down the street, I noticed the big yellow arrow telling all the drivers in the right lane to merge with the left lane. Again, I was curious, but let my lingering thoughts and kids' conversation take over my mind. It wasn't until I drove past the arrow that I saw three men walking along side a machine making yellow lines down the middle of the road that I was taken aback.

I was a little upset to say the least. How can the City of New Orleans waste the tax payer money with man hours and yellow blurry lines in the street when the potholes, dimples, and raised asphalt are in dire need of repair? How can they lose sight of the bigger issue that causes accidents; in lieu of the minor cosmetic changes being made? Yes, there were existing blurry lines which drivers saw, or inadvertently knew were there, regardless of the painted yellow lines now being made.

Immediately, my common sense ceased my thoughts and I had to realize that as a parent, I can be like the City! I can lose sight of the many wonderful things I desire to do with my children because of my focus on their immediate behavior lapses or even my own issues. I focus on the now instead of the bigger picture of the future. I choose to forsake what I truly desire to see happen in an effort to quell the concerns of now.

How many of us out there can admit to losing sight of what's important in the lives of our families? I stand up first and admit that I've taken my eyes off of the prize and settled for something that is more tangible that I can touch and feel. It is not necessarily wrong, but it is something that I know I have compromised upon. However, I make a stance right here and now to not compromise on my goals, visions, and dreams for my family. I vow to keep my eyes focused on building a great future through making memories. I will not look at one test with a poor grade and yell at my child. I will not yell for not jumping to attention the moment I request it. I will focus on character building traits that will ultimately help my children to be responsible, compassionate, helpful, resourceful people who always strive to do their best in every situation. In essence, I will fix the streets first (keep my eyes on the bigger prize) and not make yellow lines instead (immediate concerns of now)!

Until next time, ponder that thought, laugh out loud and love on your family today.